The first ever African Excellence Award!

As you may imagine, the word "excellence" is relative and depends were in the world you are - certainly in THIS context, anyway...

"Joaquim Chissano, the former president of Mozambique, has won the first annual African Award for Excellence in Leadership."
[let's face it: this award has got to be some kind of JOKE, hasn't it? I'll translate the rest of this bullshit from the BBC World website into everyday English...]

"The Award goes to the African leader who has done the LEAST amount of damage to his country (slightly different from the
usual standards applicable in the West - although not by THAT much, lately, it seems.)

Joaquim Chissano has been judged as the African leader who has LEAST bled his country dry of its natural resources and capital.

He has also agreed to fewer female genital mutilations being carried out in his country than any previous African leader.

Furthermore, he has overseen the lowest number of corrupt contracts handed out to friends and relatives.

He has not personally raped THAT many young women, nor sired more than maybe 20-30 illegitimate children at most.

He has drastically cut the number of child murders carried out in the country to less than 18,000 per year.

He has reluctantly agreed to end the practice of chopping off the limbs of babies - thereby breaking with established African tradition.

Witch doctors who recommend the 'treatment' of black men raping babies to rid themselves of AIDS are to lose their licenses to practice 'medicine.'


So there we go: a brave new Africa awaits - thanks to Chissano, and if all the other leaders follow his example, then the entire continent may yet be saved!